Ladies and dudes, it’s only Tuesday which can only mean one thing. Your counting those sweet minutes down til cracking into your favorite case of wobbly pops and or handle. In my prior party days through denial and error, I’ve had some pretttty catastrophic hangovers. Through experimentation and total failure I’ve found a few things to help the battle of the brain and body to get back to living so you can enjoy Sunday fun day to the fullest.
1 – Shower
Ahhh! The go to. Who doesn’t like a hot shower and cold beverage to wash off last nights sins.Nothing a good rise and rinse can’t cure. Well stds don’t come off that easy, go see a doc.
2 – Eat
If the sauce gods allow it, fill the basket. Let’s be real the human body needs hydration and nutrition to function normally. Grab that greasy to go bag, pop on your Sunday’s finest and get going to wac Arnold’s and be reborn.
3 – Bloody Mary bar
Oh that sweet, hot and delicious treat accompanied by a smorgasbord of things to add to your drank. Shrimp,bacon and maybe a few pickles. That’s what uncle dave likes. I recommend Pronto in downtown royal oak. Def LEP and Steel Panther blaring while you tie on some hair of the dog to make it through the day. Shit is unreal.
4 – Shotgun a beer
Unless your Andrew franks chances are you can’t shotgun in 2.5 but it helps. Feed the fire, bring back that buzz and help nurse that little guy into that happy place once again. No time for sipping, rabbit beats the tortoise on this one.
5 – Liquor is quicker
Nothing tells a hangover to frig off quicker than opening up wide and pouring vodka straight down your throat. If shots aren’t your gig then go with my personal favorite, and all-time classic mixed drink, Vodka Vodka. It will punch your hangover right in the face and leave it looking worse than Owen Wilson’s nose.
6 – Sleep
Throw your alarm clock at the wall. Of course, that’s assuming you’re setting an alarm on the weekend. But let’s be honest, only psychopaths set alarms on the weekend (unless you’re setting it to start drinking early…in that case, ignore this blog). A few Z’s can go a long way in curing that diabolical headache you got the night before from pounding White Russians with an 80 year old man at the local watering hole.
7 – Go to the gym
This is for all of you fitness junkies out there that got smashed on Michelob Ultras and Miller 64’s. Throw on your best groutfit and hit the gym to sweat the demons out. Once you’ve completed your grueling crossfit workout, you’ll be ready to hit the bar again so you can tell everyone within an earshot how you just got done with your sick workout.
8 – Smoke a Jibber
Listen, let’s not beat around the bush, the Devil’s Lettuce works magic on a hangover (at least that’s what I heard…). So if you choose to partake in such activities, by all means, smoke it if you got it, and watch your hangover melt away…along with the chances of doing anything other than watching Cartoon Network.
9 – Hit a sauna
I know what you’re saying, “this is stupid, you’ll just get more dehydrated.” Well yeah that might be true if you’re a moron and don’t bring water with you…fucking amateurs. Go sweat out your sins and play a little grab ass while you pound water and think about all of the poor life choices you made last night (and the ones you’re yet to make tonight).
10 – Stay sober
Just kidding, that’s stupid. Unless you’re a baby (assuming you have decent parents) or straight edge (wtf?) go get yourself a pop, loosen up, get on the dance floor, talk to that 10 (hard 6 when you’re sober) in the corner, and enjoy life. Your hangover won’t last longer than a few hours, but your memories will last a lifetime.