The Friend Zone: The Self-Checklist

It’s 2016. New year, new you. Let’s start things off right by helping you suckers stuck in the friend zone. I’ve enlisted the help of local friend zone expert, Dave Hartline, to create a check list to help you figure out whether or not you’ve been thrown into relationship purgatory.

  • She waits more than 10 seconds to reply to your text
  • You’ve been called “dude, buddy, chief, boss, or bro”
  • She doesn’t comment back on Instagram
  • She tells you about hot guys
  • She sleeps in your bed fully clothed
  • She calls you by your last name
  • She says “what up” when she first sees you
  • The “if you’re not married by 30 pact”
  • She changes in front of you
  • You’re “like a brother” to her
  • Tells you how perfect you are for someone else
  • “You’re one of my best friends”
  • Netflix and chill literally means Netflix and chill
  • The same adjectives are used for you and her dog

This is obviously not a definitive list, but this is a pretty good start. If you’ve found yourself in a situation that sounds similar to this, you may want to reconsider what you’re spending your time/money/emotion/life on. So stop wasting time in 2016. Get your ass a Groupon to Cabo and get weird. Or just find another girl and stop creeping everyone out. Either way, it’s probably a good call.

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