ALERT! IT’S A SPECIAL MIDWEEK VERSION OF YOUR FAVORITE BLOG’S ONLY BLOG!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL/MISTAKE!
It’s the biggest bar night of the year, people! I need to see some serious enthusiasm tonight! Nothing screams Thanksgiving like waking up with a crippling hangover because you had a few too many shots the night before with people who turn into your best friend once a year. I’m going to call it right now and say there will be at least 3 BMOs (Bar Make Outs) and 2 DFMO (Dance Floor Make Outs) tonight at the Office. That’s the conservative guess. Might hit double digits. Who am I to assume? I’m just going to be there to take it all in. Might order some mini tacos and watch it all unfold. Who knows? All I do know is that at some point I’m going to order too many morticians and I’m going to hate myself in the morning for it.
My favorite play on Thanksgiving morning is to roll out of bed and act like everyone who is trying to make dinner is inconveniencing me by being too loud and not taking my hangover into account. That usually turns into trying everything I can to get a cup of coffee and a piece of toast that I left in the toaster for way too long into my stomach without throwing up.
Then at some point something magical happens. It’s usually after a shower, right around 10:30am, maybe 11. I find myself making sweet potato casserole (literally the only thing I’m good for on Thanksgiving) and adding few shots of bourbon into the mix. One for the casserole, one for me. One for the casserole, two for me. This continues until I’ve completely ruined the casserole but saved myself. I’ve given myself a second life. I typically find my groove and then start crackin’ a few cold ones in preparation of the Lions game. By kickoff I’m alive again and ready to run through a brick wall. Usually I hit that wall around the 1st quarter of the late game and I come crashing back down to reality.
The point is, you really shouldn’t stop drinking for the next 3-5 days. It’s only going to lead to a bad time.
In all seriousness, I hope you have a #superblessed day. Be safe on the roads today if you’re traveling. People are morons. I hope to see your beautiful faces at the Office for a few morticians. CAN’T WAIT.
Here are a few toe tappers to get you through the rest of your day until you’re ready to hit the bar.
You were out of your mind if you didn’t think I was leading off with this.
Second we’ve got one that just never gets old
Next, for all of those people you’ve wronged in the last year that you’ll no doubt run into tonight
This last one isn’t new, but it’s great.