#LifeLessons / Uncategorized

Saturday Story time with dirty dave

So let’s travel back in time. I’m talking like just fresh out of high school. Not even close to knowing life.  

Location. Middle of nowhere.

So me and a group of friends venture to a woods party . Cut the shit at this point im a sixer in and decide its a good idea to get high with some strangers. 

At this time I am REALLY feeling it. Basically like a wizard that could cast spells and turn trees into goblins. Fuckin Merlin ass shit.

Then it hits me. I start tripping my balls off cause I think this is laced or something. Cause I went from Urkel to 2pac real quick. I’m freaking the fuck out in the woods. So back in the corridors of the dark abysmal space of my brain a little sober boy, 7 year old dave shouts to me “skip!”….what? “Skip in the woods and you’ll be ok!” So I listen to little me and start skipping away from the camp fire. Cause that I’ll make it better…. 

Next thing I know. There is no fire in sight. I’m lost. 77 sheets to the wind and I am absolutely fucked.

I have to shit now. I figure hey if I shit I’ll be sober or something. Don’t judge me I’m drunk.

So here I go. I decide to take a shit in the woods. I squat down and go. Pull my pants up. 

Damnit. I shit right in my own underwear. Really.

So now I’m really fucked up and I just shit my own pants.

So this point I’m in the absolute most lost place I could be in. I ditch my shitty trousers in the woods. Fast forward to me making it back to the fire after a half hour of shit. Literally. We pass out in the car as the night ends. We get up its like 6 am , I’m bright eyed and bushy tailed. We’re driving down the trail and sun is barely up I’m in the back passed out.

“Holy shit what’s that in the tree ?!” ,Shouts a friend.

I look up and there are my shit covers underwear hanging perfectly at the end of the trail on one lone branch. 

The end.

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