Etc.

How Am I Supposed To Have Friendsgiving When I Don’t Have Any Friends?

Friendsgiving, a tradition unlike any other. For most people, that is. This year NJ7 and I are hosting a Friendsgiving at our new place. I have no idea what to expect to be honest. It’s not that I feel unprepared for guests, food, alcohol, and college football. It’s just that I don’t actually have any friends to invite. I can’t wait until it’s just NJ7 and myself sitting around a table with Turkey, sweet potato casserole, and assorted pops (I signed up to bring sweet potato casserole and assorted pops). So far we’ve invited some people, but those people have other Friendsgivings to attend. I’m rattled because I had no idea this was such a big thing. Like do people usually attend multiple Friendsgivings? I mean I’m so content with 1 Friendsgiving and 1 regular Thanksgiving. That’s so much food. I would be exhausted if I was doing this every weekend. So shout out to the popular kids who have a lot of friends and do this thing often.

Another thing that has been debated is what time are you actually supposed to start a Friendsgiving? My understanding is that this a celebration of Thanksgiving with your friends, hence the name. What kind of savage eats Thanksgiving dinner at night? I’m not sure I’ve ever made it through the Lions’ game without eating dinner. So that’s putting us around 4. Do people make a night out of this? Like is this something where you go, “hey guys, meet at our place at 7 with a dish to pass.” I have so many questions and absolutely zero answers.

My final question is one that I’m sure everyone asks: How drunk can I get at Friendsgiving? My intention is to day drink and watch college football while my food is getting ready. So that will give me a solid 5 hours or so of drinking before the dinner. I would be a prude to have dinner without a bottle of wine so I need to take that into consideration as well. Then, after that, I fully plan on going to the bar. Is that ok? Do I need to pump the brakes here and not be face down in the corn? Like I said, I have no idea what’s actually ok and what’s not. I need help here.

But seriously, I don’t have any friends. This is going to be a failure.

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