What If Calvin Actually Retires?

Live look at the city of Detroit if Calvin announces his retirement this offseason.


Just kidding, that’s a typical Thursday night in the D.

But seriously, if Calvin leaves, not even Robocop will be able to save this city. I would actually petition whoever the new GM is to sign Robocop, because that’s about the only chance the Lions would have next season. Starting over is the worst possible scenario that this team could face. They have the 16th pick, it’s not like they’re going out and grabbing a sure thing with that pick. Knowing the Lions they’ll probably pick up another Tight End or something completely unneeded.

The point is, if the Lions are really in a “win now” mode, they can’t do it without Calvin. As much as I love Stafford, the all star combo of Ebron, Tate, and Lance fucking Moore won’t be able to bail him out of trouble like Megatron can and does on a regular basis.

Buffalo Bills v Detroit Lions

So please, Mr. Megatron, if you’re reading this (which you 100% are not) don’t retire. The Lions need you. The city needs you. You need to break Jerry Rice’s records because he is a cheater. So by all means, feel free to miss every practice next season. As long as you’re on the field in Honolulu Blue, I’ll be happy.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s