Most people go out and spend hundreds, even thousands of dollars every New Year’s Eve on parties, drinks, outfits, and other things (drugs, strippers/hookers, arrests, etc.). I’m here to tell you that you can get away with a solid NYE without all of the hoopla. When it comes down to it, you only need a few things.

1.) Alcohol:

Duh, let’s move on.

2.) Party Favors:

You can get these things at Wal-Mart for 88 cents. I know, because I saw them there two days ago. Nothing says “I’m ready for a fresh start” like loud ass whistles, streamers, and fake crowns.

3.) Food:

By the time you end up finishing all of your alcohol, you’re going to be pretty hungry. So you might as well run to the store and stock up on some chips or a veggie tray so you don’t go to bed hungry.

4.) Dress Clothes:

This is a must. Nothing says “I have no ambition or goals in life” like not dressing up on New Year’s Eve. I mean even the homeless guy living in a van down by the river has a suit. Stop being a basic bitch and clean yourself up. No one wants to kiss someone who looks like they just got off their shift at PacSun.

5.) Resolutions:

No matter how big or how small, don’t be the guy who is too cool for resolutions. You should always strive to be a better person, even if that means 1 less trip to McDonald’s every day. We’ll be revealing our resolutions shortly.

6.) 0 Fucks:

Let the good times roll.

Editor’s Note: At the end of the day, I’m a hypocrite. I’m going to a party that costs too much money and staying in a hotel when I could easily get a cab ride back to my apartment. I was just trying to give the common man inspiration to go out and crush it tonight. I’m not doing this for me though. I’m doing it for all of you. Someone has to go out and live the dream, why not me? Ride with me on the journey to blackout and let’s have a night!