I, like most people with a brain, will be playing the Power Ball tonight. I’m not sure what all of the mathematics involved are, but I hear that I have a chance at winning. That’s really all I’m looking for. $800 million is a hilarious amount of money and I’m not sure if I would even survive winning. I think I would probably have a heart attack if I found out I won. Just kidding, I would be fine because I’m not 90 years old. Speaking of which, I’ll be so upset if a 90 year old wins this. I always feel like they are the ones who win these huge jackpots. I feel like there should be an age cut off for the lotto. Let the young bucks have some fun with the money.
Everyone is always like, what would you do if you won? Simple. I make 5 phone calls. 1st to my parents to let them know I won and to figure out who our attorney is. 2nd to said attorney. 3rd to Cousin Vigi to figure out what to do with my new found wealth. 4th to a luxury travel agency to book an immediate trip to somewhere warmer than here. 5th would be the call I make to the charter bus service to rent a greyhound. I would use said greyhound to drive to all of my friends’ houses and pick them up to take them on the trip. No warning. Just showing up at their house in a greyhound and kidnapping them…almost like Room Raiders style but way better.
I would probably quit my job at some point. I really don’t know. I might get fired when I just don’t show up because I’m somewhere far away taking a quick vacation. Obviously a normal person would call in and let people know they were going to be out, but what’s the point of doing that when you have hundreds of millions of dollars? Right, there is no point.
So good luck to everyone (my fingers are crossed). Feel free to reach out to me to tell me how great I am and how much you enjoy being my friend in an attempt to get a seat on the bus to paradise. It will probably work.