Here we are again with our new weekly feature Check the DMs. This week we’ve got a great story about what not to do when you’re starting out at a new place of employment.
To whom it may concern,
Throughout my professional career there are three things that I’ve learned are the best to avoid to keep your job. 1). Don’t get blackout wasted at company functions (even if there is an open tab) 2). Don’t dip your quill in company ink 3). Don’t take advice from a “Jerry” (Every company has that a “Jerry” and he is fantastic at talking out of his ass).
So the story starts with me attending my first large scale company convention in a wretched state I need to leave nameless located somewhere in a miserable Bible Belt state. With full intention of making a great impression at my first meetings I head to my hotel room at a decent hour while some of the more veteran employees head to a karaoke bar. After a long day of meetings I decide I might as well relax and have a few cocktails and mingle to meet people. Long story short, “Jerry” took me under his wing and explained how the bar tab is always on the company all you need is a “code word” which is one of the boss’s last names (explained how they followed these rules the night before while I slept like a “pussy”)For safety purposes we’ll use “Franklin” as that code word. So we started off slow with a couple of beers on “Franklin”, and a few jack and cokes. Next thing I know “Jerry” has a round of shitty jäger bombs for a few of us. After some more mingling and a couple more rounds the fuck boi began to emerge out of “Jerry” and I. When last call was announced in the hotel bar, we hit one more round of Vegas bombs and got a beer for the walk back to our room. That’s when we realized the big mistake… We had been some of the only people ordering on “Franklin” all night and the $2,200 tab we had started wasn’t on a boss’s name but a poor plead with the same title we had. To this day Franklin does not no who the assholes were who did this, and somehow the poor sap kept his job. The situation as a whole was solved and I remained anonymous and unscathed. Jerry on the other hand left the bar, stumbled to his room, where he proceeded regurgitate everything we had be drinking for the past four hours all over the bathroom… Including on some unsuspected bystanders. His roommate during the convention happened to be in the bathroom throwing his hotdog down the hallway of a pretty little thing from legal, when Jerry burst threw the door and projectiled during the middle of them fornicating. You know damn straight everyone knows that Jerry broke rule number 1, and the fornicating couple broke rule number 2. It still haunts their careers as much as the stench of 2nd hand jamo shots that covered their naked bodies.
100% mind boggling that this person wasn’t fired immediately. How do you blow chunks after racking up a $2k+ bar tab and not get found out? What a time to be alive for that guy. My luck, I’d be fired before I could check out of the hotel room. I also am curious as to how much extra one is charged for vomiting all over a bathroom. As far as the guy and the girl go, they have to be scarred for life. Not only are they hooking up on a work trip, god bless them for that, but they just got thrown up on by a Jerry. Awful time if you ask me.
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