Here we go my first attempt at putting something somewhat coherent together. I used to have a hell of a curve ball back in the day as you can see in my intro picture. Mike also overestimates my speed, but whenever I walk into my Jimmy John’s I am pretty confident I may be the fastest person in there. I digress, a lot happened over the weekend athletically in southeast Michigan. The lions played, the tigers are slowly stringing us along, and college football. It’s Monday and we all need to put some serious effort into putting on the facade of looking busy at work so let’s hit it!

 

Pistons

 

Basketball Insiders did a season preview for the ‘Stones here. I like this team. Reggie Jackson, ranked a top 15 PG (I am a sucker for rankings since I was ranked top 10 fastest humans living south of Ford rd but north of Ann Arbor Trail), Andre trending towards elite center, and a mix of skilled role players is promising. Don’t go out and grab season tickets proclaiming the bad boys are back, but stay tuned. If Stan Van the Man can harmonize this team and Andre learns how to make a fucking free throw instead of free style rap, this team will compete. I am especially pumped for the off-season addition of Ish Smith (former 76er, thanks):

Knowing Ish from his Sixer days, Pistons fans got a nice addition here. He won’t drop three balls like me at my aunt’s annual above ground pool party, but he will keep everyone involved. Van Gundy’s offense asks for a good facilitator guard, and that’s exactly what Ish is. Ishmael Larry Smith alongside Reggie Jackson will be a great pairing. I can’t talk basketball without touching on the pound for pound GOAT, Allen Iverson. (video of his HOF speech)

Did you think you signed up for such a roller coaster of emotions so early in the week? No? You’re welcome.

 

Lions

So close, but yet another loss at Lambo. 1 win since 1992. Carson Wentz though! I watch both the Eagles and Lions each Sunday and with my vast knowledge of kickoff contain, I am qualified to comment on all aspects of football.

5 Lion Droppings

1. cLaken Tomlinson is ass. He is fat and slow. Not sure what else needs to be said. The first step is always either too late or unbalanced, forcing him to lunge forward. Consequently, he gets beat by the pass rush or just gets in the way on a run. But boy is he smart; he got great grades at North Carolina Duke and his future dream is to be a doctor. That’s exactly what I want to hear out of a first round pick brought in to be a “road grater” on the offensive line. Hall of Famer? Super Bowl champ? Nah, doctor. Thanks LT
2. Marvin Jones is not ass. Jesus. 6 for 205 and 2 TD. That’s a Herman Moore Tecmo Super Bowl stat line right there. Jones and Stafford seem to have developed a nice relationship. Not like ‘hey that was fun we should get lunch sometime’ relationship but a ‘hey want to be the executor of my will and bff?’ relationship.
3. Stafford is a baller. His stats always jump out at you, and he is tough with a rocket arm. I used to hate on this guy, basically because his and Kelly’s wedding pictures looked super fun and I didn’t get an invite, but he is a gamer and has been for a bad team for a while now.
4. Chalk up the run game. Yea this is never going to work. With three definitions of average first round picks on the O-Line (sup LT) the ground game demolished the Packers with a staggering 50 total yards on the ground at 2.2 yards per carry. RIP to the Packers am I right? Dwayne Washington looked alright and is a big body but there needs to be some semblance of a running game.
5. Eric LEbron 5-69-0: I will keep a running tally of Eric LEbron’s stats and overall look each game. Why? Welp the Lions passed on a number of pro bowlers for the tight end’s services. He looked good today and has had a good year so far, but the drops will come right on time and I will be here waiting in amusement. Wait a second, didnt he have a drop/fumble/interception thing that immediately put the Packers in scoring position? Yes he did. I will highlight a great player the lions passed on each week moving forward. I’ll start with a layup here: Aaron Donald. Already known as one of the best defensive linemen/players in the entire league, it sure would have been nice to strengthen the interior of the D in preparation for Suh’s departure. Nah, please get LEbron up the podium.

 

Tigers

The Indians are coming into town this week and have the chance to win the division. Can’t believe that’s a true thing. Tiger’s needed a solid win Saturday and the sure didn’t get it. Heartbreaking 7-4 loss at the hands of the tiger strangler himself Eric Hosmer. Even though K-Rod has 44 saves on the season, this blown save really hurt. There are some reasons to be positive though. Vmart still swings the bat like that old dad in wiffle ball that just pounds a beer picks up the stick and hits one over your neighbors fucking house and laughs as you jump the fence and fall on your face trying to retrieve the ball. Some would also point to the young pitchers, but Fulmer is going to have to be shut down at some point and Norris is a 5 walk inning away from the inside of his head turning into a pretzel on the mound. Castellanos, whose name can be pronounced with a number of dialects to emphasize Mexican or Italian roots, is due back soon as well. The bullpen, buckle up for this hot take, is going to have to be better.

 

Michigan/Michigan State Football

State sucked. Wisconsin came in, ate our lunch, brought a side dish of various cheese spreads and Triscuits, and ate that too in our living room. Domination on all fronts as Tyler O’Conner  threw 4 INT. It may be a bit early to call this a QB crisis, but its certainly not encouraging. Indiana will be a good barometer as they can score so TOC is going to have to pick himself up off the floor at Ricks and look fresh like he is a TA at Dublin trying to bring home that senior who is struggling in his class but really needs to pass or her dad will be really mad. Michigan rolled as expected. Penn State isn’t good, and frankly James Franklin (like that) sucks. He may get solid recruits but the play calling and overall pulse of the team seems disconnected from the coach. Saquon Barkley is a future solid NFL running back, and if you looked up Penn State alums playing in the league you would be pleasantly surprised. Still, Happy Valley will be clamoring for some changes soon. Harbaugh didn’t disappoint and the team looks ready to dominate and contend for something significant this year. Considering they have yet to leave the nest and play anyone worth noting, Wisconsin will be a big test next week. They have a Watt and insert any white athlete buzzword (hardworking, nose for the football, high IQ, relentless motor, etc.) Michigan looks impressive and as a Spartan I am eagerly but also hesitantly awaiting the in-state showdown.

Finally, RIP to one of the GOATS to ever play the game. He brought the game into my grandfather’s living room and brought the most delicious mix of ice tea and lemonade into my belly. The game of golf today would not be where it is without him. RIP Arnie